May 2009
6 posts
“I don’t care if you see another guy’s package! Because once...”
– my brother, to his fiancee, during one of the more entertaining conversations to which I have ever bore witness
"wow, she's easy to please" - miims
I went into 315 today, and it looked like this.
Saddest moment ever.
What made it better?
That’s right. Worst movie of all time, but this cereal is where it’s at. It even turns the milk pink.
Excerpts from "Ridiculous Night In The Lobby"
Stephanie: What is the term for having a lot of balls literally?
me: Unnatural?
Willis: Polyball Syndrome?
Stephanie: Testicularly advantaged?
me: No, that wouldn't be an advantage because it would make it hard to sit, I think.
Willis: Yeah, if they were the size of large apples...
Just for you williboi. We will miss you.
(also, later in the evening...)
Stephanie: We'll get him an ankle man bracelet.
me: Let's make him pierce his ear.
Final DDG (#8), in honor of double math test day
Willis: I have just been in here so long.
me: I know, yeah you have, I've been in here so long and I haven't even been in here that long.
Stephanie: woops woops woops woops woops woops...
DDG #7
me: Okay, I don't wanna put Connor or Winston down because like, a lot of freshmen are in there...for CTOPS, I mean.
Stephanie: What? You mean like every freshman who goes here?...And then they leave?!
happy birthday, miims
this is not a good picture. nor a recent one, obvi.
today we celebrate the day that woman on the left gave birth to that woman on the right, who would then proceed to give birth to that snitch in the middle 34 years later.
factoid: miims was born in hawaii, where may 1st is lei day. grandmiims got a lei from the hospital people, presumably after the delivery. i’ll bet that sure kept...
April 2009
31 posts
“I just pulled off a piece of my sneaker.” (five minutes later) ...”
– Stephanie, DDG #6
also, the bus called...
…he wants one not to preemptively throw one Jenni Tesh under it alone
also, my ears are calling. they think they’re infected.
“I had two ideas while I was in the bathroom. One: I think I look gay today.”
– Stephanie, DDG#5
DDG #4 (punctuated as spoken)
me: I think it's funny how your lab report says "Partner: Madison."
Stephanie: You know what's funnier her name's not even Madison.
“You just, like, threw your head into that bag.”
– Stephanie, to me (presumably), DDG #3
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Let me tell you about...”
– Stephanie, DDG #2
DDG #1
Stephanie: I'm sure my colon will love that...
me: Why your colon?
Stephanie: It sounds like shit.
because i have nothing better to write lately...
…thus shall commence the week-or-so of Davis Delirium gems, ordered chronologically.
Larry's Words of Wisdom for How to Not Get Psyched...
Larry is my hero and the real reason I wear capris with sandals.
Also he’s a little creepy.
jennannte:
[[Larry is a drumline instructor at UNC]]
“I figured out what your role in UNC Bands should be next year: we should give you a bamboo stick and you get to go around and beat mother fuckers if they’re incredibly shitty.”
[as to the audition] Larry: Just go up there thinking that...
mmm mmm mmm
Today’s recipe of the day on Weight Watchers Online is Honey-Ginger Chicken Thighs.
This is not quite as funny as Beef Ho Fun, but it’s getting there.
Text conversation w/mother dearest after my first...
me: I made it! Though not up the elevator yet so i wont get too cocky till im safe in my room napping :) what are some iron rich foods?
Mom: Liver!
(yes. this was her only response.)
"I meant to say 'see a doctor' but it came out as...
me: I mean usually it manifests itself as a bruise but this isn't...
Stephanie: Well, maybe your veins are just enlarging and it's time for you to die.
“I’m a fool.”
– Jenni
If Paulus joins the NFL, I will (laugh at him... →
(via beautyistruth)
"Anna's Big Day"
one day, anna woke up and she roleld out of bed and she was kinda getting readyy and she was mad cuz it was early in the morning and then she remembered that today was her big day so she ran and jumped in the shower and she started to wash with her strawberry shortcake foaming soap from bath and body works and then
and then out of nowhere tracey acey bursts into the batroom and she says hey anna...
there was only one individual by the name of...
Me: Wow, this is pretty exciting to know that Colon's not so far away after all.
Stephanie: Yep. Just a hop, skip, and a shit away!
Stephanie: Oh, Stephanie.
sprache conversación avec jenni
To help out my non-germaphone (that's not the word) friends:
Reed: If my friends and friends use other language at the InterNet, I hate her. If I am with you, Jenni, I speak German. But my friend, who speaks many Spanish with me, it is completely frustrating.
Jenni: Hear on me, asshole. If you write on French, I become completely annoying, because I must translate, which you wrote. Unfortunately I do not know French and therefore need it much time, in order to use me Babelfish or something. I please you, please, can you to more in English wrote? I can German and German please me, but I write nearly nothing on German if I on the InterNet am, because I know that my other friends and friends cannot German. (Few can, but nothing makes here…) Thanks beautifully (and I love you). French is also ugly.
(dictionary.com is super smart and good at grammar)
My conclusion: speak whatever daggum language you want on tumblr, but for God's sake, do it correctly (which I know both of you Germs are doing). Excepting, of course, English. Just be decent at that.
French is also not ugly.
German is also soooo not gutteral.
I also got a job!
A Heartfelt Tribute to Psycho T. →
(or, Why Some Dukies Don’t Suck. or, Why I Want to Marry Tyler Hansbrough.)
sorry to be one of those too-many-posts-in-a-day people. today, and this blog post, calls for it.
(note: the time-delay post right after this one might also be of interest to some of you, particularly you Clark Kellogg fans.)
once in a lifetime
It is especially great to be a Tar Heel today.
“Put Dora on them!”
– Kathryn, in response to an assertation that our basketball team was getting a little too worked up during the second half
“I think we should all start our periods tomorrow. I think that would mean good...”
– Stephanie, on how we can do our part to help the Tar Heels pull a National Championship winning performance
holy shit.
i have missed that.
=]
shake what ya momma gave ya
as i was coming back from southpoint today, i remembered one of the down sides of warm weather.
driving in shorts makes even the skinniest thighs (read: not mine) jiggle like a mother.
it’s almost comical.
dank. →
you watch that mouth when you’re stereotyping on my reblogs, boi. i -will- wrap a steel pipe around your head (and use your very own notation while threatening you).
kthx=]
reed-spot:
It’s soooo guttural. JK that is what every sorority bitch has ever said about german.
humanbomb:
Please click here, scroll down just a little teeny bit, listen to the excerpt, and then tell me how...
thank you, relay, for this overnight...
it literally sounds like someone has a loud ass boombox at my window.
this is not going to be a pleasant evening.
i wonder if it would be super weird to sleep on a couch in the hallway.
dank. →
Please click here, scroll down just a little teeny bit, listen to the excerpt, and then tell me how excited you are about me speaking to you like this next year.
here's why i think i have problems
“US 44, 3 miles east of I-495 or 14 miles west of Highway 3.”
This just made me legitimately sad, nostalgic, almost to tears. I just want to be there, in my car, again.
I think I get way too attached to places, particularly places where I have driven.
[edit: Okay, I realize the title of this may have been a gross overstatement.]
because Hannah made it up
misterwillis:
“how come spellcheck won’t recognize the word ‘douchecunt’?”
dammit, mother nature.
I was hoping today’s weather forecast was simply a cruel and completely unfunny April Fools joke.
Now I look outside and see it isn’t so.
I disapprove.
i think i'll go to boston...
…because tax-achusetts takes so much of my dang money, i feel rich come refund season.
“feel” being the operative word here.
March 2009
12 posts
to the ra-da-da-da-douchebags in my physics lab...
The fact that an individual was not raised speaking your native language does not render everything she says invalid.
Here’s a shocker: PhD candidates at Carolina are actually intelligent. Your TA may speak with an accent, but I’d be willing to bet my firstborn child that she knows way more than you do about her subject.
Funny story - if you actually pay attention to the words...
someone is not doing his job very well
“fence - n. - a barrier enclosing or bordering a field, yard, etc., usually made of posts and wire or wood, used to prevent entrance, to confine, or to mark a boundary”
I call bullshit. Though I will admit that son of a gun did give me a run for my money.
Lesson learned: Jumping fences is a good idea. Jumping fences intoxicated is a less good idea.
suck it, Double Math Test Thursday.
Today has been a really, really, really great day. Really. To the extent that I’m unable to put it into words.
Watchbecause this made us all cry…a lot
because "funny things have happened tonight"
*cough...or so we thought*
Stephanie: I just fartcoughed!
Willis: You mean carted?
Me: Foughed?
because i'm tired of my "about me" section on...
Grace à mes pieds Je peux danser Et faire ma vie comme j’ai toujours désiré. Personne n’a fait des choses magnifiques Sans utiliser les pieds pour s’y prendre. Mes pieds me rendent Comme l’oiseau du printemps Qui chante parce qu’il est libre. Grace à vos pieds Vos rêves ne doivent pas vivre sur votre oreiller. Donc, allez! Le monde est à vous - découvrez! Tournez Comme un jeune dans le champ Et...
“Dear Baby,
I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes...”
– Jenna, Waitress
because i got high
Caffeine fasts render one’s body (and brain) highly susceptible to feelings of lightness upon exposure.
Case in point: I was sitting at this Panhel meeting on Sunday morning drinking half-caffeinated Starbucks (which itself contains about four times the caffeine of normal, wholly caffeinated coffee), when I was momentarily overcome by this strange giddiness. Everything was spinning and I...
it's pollen season
which means its time for one of the more exciting things that’s happened ‘round these parts in a while: group medication. what have we learned from this exercise? 1) apparently if you ingest too much potassium, your body “starts to have problems” 2) i have a resting heart rate of 48
now, who wants some zyrtec?
“Oooh, poor Baby Willis. I just want to climb on top of you.”
– Jenni (expressing sympathy)
i did it, snitches.
now quitcha bitchin’.
(you only bitched once. maybe not even enough to call it once. halfce.)